Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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