we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
