Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
