Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
