it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
