Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
