the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
