cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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