Do vagina's smell?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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