operation harelip BJ is a go
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
