dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
