I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
