One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just want to make out with him forever
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
