I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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