I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
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Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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