Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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