my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
