i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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