how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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