did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
