I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
