Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
