forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
