He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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