Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
