I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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