I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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