There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
