just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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