I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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