I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
