It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
