its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
