god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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