You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
