hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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