I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
