my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
