I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
