we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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