just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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