He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
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I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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