I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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