I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
