I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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