She is in my trunk
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I didn't shave. On purpose
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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