How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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