roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
