do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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