WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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