When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
