Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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