As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
