oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
