my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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