I just threw up on my dentist
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
