yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
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Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
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We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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