Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
