we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
