She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
