she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
