Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm at about main and main street
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
