ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
