I'm so fucking centered right now
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
