areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
