come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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