I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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