My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
