i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
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Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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