I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
