You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
