dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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