sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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