She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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