the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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