U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
