Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
