he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
