Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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