from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
